discover the island with 1 star Google reviews

(Mount Washington Facebook)

After a long journey of self-discovery, I’m delighted to say I’m back and ready to dive into the world of One Star Reviews again.

If you’re wondering why anyone would do this, I think the best way to find out more about a place is to find out the worst things you can say about it.

The point is, when you find people salty enough to rate something with a star, you don’t always get the greatest clarity.

We should therefore study these reviews closely! Like Jane Goodall and her gorillas, I will immerse myself in negativity and come away with a positive result.

In previous installments, I looked at Victoria and some of the surrounding area.

This time I’m enjoying all of Vancouver Island. Here are some top to bottom attractions in the beauty of British Columbia.

Mount Washington

I think you may have accidentally checked into the Overlook Hotel, sir. Don’t worry, this is a common mistake. Just ignore the keeper, don’t write memoirs, play with the binoculars, be polite, and let the river of blood come out of the elevator completely before going up.

You uh… you realize we can’t control the weather, do you?

Salt Spring Island

This in fact, in a strange way, reads like a resounding endorsement from the island. I don’t know where Harold was, but what he seems to be making is that NOT being on Salt Spring Island deserves a star.

Hard to argue with that, really. Salt Spring Island? Five stars. Everywhere else? ONE STAR, YOU PLACES CRUMMY NOT-SALT SPRING ISLAND.

British Columbia Forest Discovery Center

All right, stay with me here. I think I can help.

Step one: Google “BC Forest Discovery Center”. Second step: click on the first search result. Third step: click on “plan your visit”. Fourth step: read the section under “Opening hours of the center”. Fifth step: go in peace and sin no more.

Mount Cain

Was this opinion written by Sam l’Aigle? Also come on man, what do you think the locals think of you?

GOOD LIKE A QUESTION OF FACT

They all miss you terribly and would like you to visit them. They don’t know what they’ve done wrong. They are really lovely people, forgiving and it’s not mutual dislike, ME

Well now, wait a moment here. I’m going to put aside the insecurities of needing to have someone to show off for, and just say that CLEARLY that can’t be true. Show yourself for the weirdos, Colby! They are there for you.

They can even help you with a good leg massage. What? I SAID they were weird!

Kinsol easel

I don’t really have a joke here. This person apparently clicked the wrong button or misunderstood how reviews work. And let me stress: this was the ONLY one-star review for Kinsol Trestle.

Obviously people love this place, and I think it’s just lovely and delicious.

Happy holidays, islanders!

Welcome to Ford on Fridays: A (mostly) weekly column where Victoria Buzz editor-in-chief Tim Ford shares his thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of the perfect joke..

This column is for comedic purposes only. Please feel free to send your comments, thoughts and [constructive] reviews at [email protected]


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